Hell Requires All Souls Use Google Groups
CITY OF DIS — Hell, which is also Hades, the Inferno, and Perdition, announced a major infrastructural change that would require all souls within The Eternal Juristiction to use Google Groups. The change capped more than five millennia of torturous IT restructuring within the Bottomless Pit on a project that could be legacy-defining for the Pandemonium Council and terrestrial tech giant Google.
“The decision was easy,” said arch-fiend Belphegor. “Google Groups just suits our purposes better than any other software.”
Many computers in use in Hell are bio-mechanical nightmares, half flesh and half machine. Others have CPUs of souls bound by adamant chains who, blinkered and numb, perform calculations eternally in blood. These proved to be straightforwardly compatible with Google’s discussion group software. The thorniest point involved upgrading from legacy web browsers.
“The hard part was switching everyone off of IE6, wrought by Satan himself from darkness in the fiery gulf after the Fall. And I was always partial to the simplicity of mailman, but now it’s Google Groups for as long as Hell endures,” remarked Mephistopheles, who hateth the grace of God.